I'm single on Valentine's Day for the first time in 7 years. It's practically a new experience.
Inevitably, I ask myself if that's a problem. I'm a problem solver, after all, so if it is I can efficiently find a solution to this dilemma. I already know that the as-advertised Valentine's Day is simply the promotion of the love in a couple, but what am I supposed to take from it? I haven't a lover, should I even give this day a care? Per the norm, the first place I search for answers is Google.
I'm greeted by a cute animated video about a boy trying to get the attention of a girl. His attempts to woo her with gifts are all unsuccessful until he follows in her footsteps. Cute. Adorable. Cheesy. All typical marks of this day. Still of no use to me.
I go to main page where I go down the list looking for a more complex meaning to a holiday so simplistic. The list begins with the movie, "Valentine's Day," a movie about couples and break-ups and lovers and so. Clearly, I have gotten nowhere. **Editor's note: Girl U Want by DEVO just started on my iPod...**
The next link is where the list should have started, Wikipedia (perhaps Google's neighbor). There organizes the history and evolution of the date, originating from a martyr and evolving into Hallmark's specialty. It's curious, humanity; it's ability to so swiftly alter the meanings of events, people, lives, ideas. In modern times, I don't believe anyone would attempt to explain a beheading as an act of steamy and cultural romance. Just saying.
Google is getting me nowhere quickly. I search up and down, page by page, and all I see are more historical articles and explanations, ideas for what to get your valentine, fun ways to spice up the bedroom. All of it weighed, measured, and found wanting (reference, anyone?). I simply just can't comprehend another meaning for it. Amid my searching, I start becoming angered, wondering and questioning what I'm supposed to extract from something so trivial, so transparent.
I shut my browser in anger, disappointed in my lack of acquired knowledge. I continue business as usual: round the dorms, conversations with my people, laundry. By habit, I open Chrome to check my email, write on my blog about my disappointing findings, check my calendar for events tomorrow, and of course, watch some Lady Gaga music videos on YouTube. It was during Born This Way when I looked at my tabs. All of them were Google or subsidiaries. I stared at my screen. It was in front of me all along. I was in love. With Google. I was simply born this way.
But a company? I want a person, someone to cling to, someone to hold at night, someone to keep warm and keep with me to the end. Why should I have to deal with this single thing, attaching myself to something so...used? Anyone has access to Google, I want something for myself.
And it hit me. It doesn't matter. Love is love. It isn't something I can fold where I want. I tried that before (and failed, my apologies to the people who I've hurt). It isn't something that I can tell where to go (and failed, again.) It just is. Love exists wherever it chooses, to a degree of its own accord. My passion is not on the same level as the lust people have for celebrities, and it certainly cannot approach the love in a true, meaningful relationship. But, for now, it defines me. And I will embrace myself in such.
I don't really care what you think about this. It's not a love story. It's not a cry for attention. It's simply Valentine's Day. I'll proudly make myself the fool again and again.
Google, my sweetheart, will you be my valentine?
